Split a Snowboard in Half and You Get…

Kelly Vance

After reading this article on my friend’s website, I laughed a little, but then I thought to myself, “Hey self, your hair looks really pretty today.  And also, I think angrysnowboarder might be missing an awesome opportunity by immediately disregarding Dual snowboards.”

You probably know I’m into women’s snowboarding and girl power and shit like that, but what you might not know is that my true passion is bringing back the dead sport of ski ballet.  For a long time, I wondered why no one wanted to become a ski ballerina anymore….

But then, I realized the problem.  It’s not nearly EXTREME enough.  Audiences today like to watch athletes risk their lives and get maimed and other exciting stuff like that.  They are no longer simply satisfied by beauty and grace and lovely costumes.  Disheartened, I was about to give up my quest to resurrect the sport when I saw this video:

Fast forward to about 48 seconds, where the guy is spinning, and then picture that guy as a lady in spandex and a tutu.  Maybe she has one foot over her head also.  And she’s a bit more graceful.  See what I mean?  Or where he keeps stopping snowboarding to jog around, what if instead, he was a lady in spandex and a tutu, and she stopped snowboarding to put her foot up over her head.  Am I right?

Now since this sport is relatively new (in that I just made it up) I was unable to capture any action shots, so I’ve put together a photoshop composite to help you get what I’m envisioning:

What’s that you say about my photoshop skills being crap?  Psh, that is a lovely image!  Look how i included a butter box so you could envision the Dual Snowboards Ballerina spinning gracefully across the surface.  Or if you wanted to, you could imagine her on another park feature, like a stair rail, but I’m not sure if she’d be able to lift her leg up over her head so successfully.

That makes me think.  Perhaps we should remove the word “ballet” from this new sport.  Not that I don’t enjoy an occasional ballet, but it’s just not right for the EXTREME audience.  I don’t think the X-Games would pick it up.  What if we instead call it Dual Snowboards Breakdancing. Everyone knows snowboarding is cool and breakdancing is cool, so how could we go wrong? 

Let’s keep the sequins and the spandex, though.  For the sake of tradition.

I’m so excited!  What an awesome sport for women to excel in.  Not only do we have better flexibility than dudes (I wasn’t at ALL worried about spraining my groin like the dudes are, because I know I can almost do a split!) But we’re naturally graceful and better dancers.  And we look pretty in tutus and sequins.  Am I right?

Buy your dual snowboards here:

And buy your spandex and tutus here:

Posted by Kelly Vance on 05/03/12

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